Sex is emotion in motion. ~Mae West

A correction: without changing my original words, I want to acknowledge a flaw in this entry. It was brought to my attention that this post makes it seem like I've never felt Love or that my past partners have never respected me. This was not my intention. I realize that the words do say that and that's why I don't want to change them because what was said was said and I don't want to try to amend that by erasing what was frivolously typed. What I'd like people reading this to know is the following: I am feeling a new sense of self-Love and self-worth. Because of this, I am able to let someone else appreciate me in a way that I haven't experienced before. I have Loved others and they have Loved and respected me as well. What I haven't been able to do is give my whole and best self to someone. I wish I could have done this earlier because it would have made a lot of changes in my past. I am sorry that I didn't make this clear in this entry.



“Some Virgos just have that rare piece of rack that makes them appear so motherly.” – Sexstrology

Sorry I haven’t written in a while…even though I’ve only got about 4 followers, I still feel bad.

I’ve had several horoscopes recently that have resonated with me, not the least of which is the following:

“The nature of the game is changing. Do you know which game I'm referring to? I mean the one that everyone's playing but no one's acknowledging they're playing. The rules of the game had held steady for quite some time, but recently they began to shift. Now even the game's rewards are in the process of metamorphosing. My advice? You don't necessarily need to splash a big dose of raw candor all over the place, but I do recommend that you at least tell yourself the truth about what's going on.”

Ladies and gentlemen, I think I’ve fallen in Love. I didn’t believe it myself, knowing my history. I didn’t think it was possible. I thought I was doomed to a life of running from what I wanted most: someone to love me who I could Love.

So I made a list. I made a list of everything I wanted in a partner and everything I wanted to be a partner. Mostly it was about confidence. Mostly, I wanted someone who would spend all their energy on me and I wanted to accept it because I. Am. Worth. It.

“Virgo has a secret confidence” – Sexstrology.

“And what if, Holland, you'd be bathed in love since birth, but you'd only discover this once you began sharing it - would you roll the dice?” – The Universe

So, I wrote this little list in my journal, not really thinking much of it. I mean, I believed that maybe when I was 80, I’d find that person. But…

...I was in one of those periods – one of those times when everything is going wrong and I hated myself and I wasn’t treating others or myself with the proper respect. I was taking advantage of everyone and letting myself rot in the process.

“Virgo is the type who are well adjusted to make changes in their life.” – Sexstrology

Well, it wasn’t long until I had really messed up a friendship that meant a lot to me and I realized I needed a break. I needed to stop reaching out to others for what I wanted in myself. I took 36 hours off of social networking.

It was the most glorious 36 hours of my entire life.

When I finally returned, I was a little overwhelmed with some responses and underwhelmed with others. You see, I had spent the night with someone who I realized was everything I wanted. And because I had chosen to be completely honest with them, the whole thing unraveled with great love and respect. I hadn’t heard from them in a week and that’s partially why I chose to turn my phone off along with my computer. I still hadn’t heard from this person so I decided to text him myself.

This was the beginning.

“Be honest and considerate with a #Scorpio. They are protective of their feelings, and a Scorpio's feelings are often strong.” -Sexstrology

Without getting into too many details, I’ll just tell you that this beautiful relationship flourished. Something I’ve never felt before – not infatuation, not a desperate need for another person but a communal sense of worth and respect. I care for him and he cares for me. Even Kyle says I look happier and more comfortable than I have in the past.

I want to acknowledge that this is not the End. This is not what’s going to ‘fix’ my issues with self-love or body love. The process, though, that led me to this beautiful moment, will be with me forever: it will be a new tool for the down times. Hope, patience and, of course, a little flirtation and conjuring, even when I don’t think I can. All of those require self-respect. All of those require self-love. To wait is to believe. To believe is to trust. To trust is absolutely divine.

Now to trust this relationship with yet another crazy semester between two people in two different states…

I don't quite get how there can be so many gorgeous people in time and space, Holland, yet so few who choose to see their own beauty.
Choose this, gorgeous.
I do,
The Universe
Are you kidding, Holland? You're way above average! Oh, go on, laugh.