I Don't Expect Unconditional Love

The first step. Is admitting. The Problem.


I don't expect unconditional Love.
Not even from myself.

In fact, I don't even expect regular Love.
I'm not sure where I learned it
but somehow I've been caught
in this idea that you have to WORK
to EARN
your Love.

I'm know it wasn't my parents
they continuously Love me
even through dark times
and times when I travel
they're always there
and they ALWAYS care.

I'm positive it wasn't my friends
we barely ever fought.
When we did
it was more like
a few choice words
turned into tears
turned into
"let's not fight anymore."

I'm pretty sure it wasn't school
some kids were cruel
but many weren't
and I was happy to make up that they didn't like me
but it was probably because
I didn't really like myself.

I never had trouble with teachers
well, until last year.
I've always been a perfectionist
and while that shows well in grades
it creates deep, deep fear.

I suppose that's what it is.
Now that I've gone through it.
It was the fear of failing and I never knew it.
I built up expecations because I couldn't let go
and now I'm not sure why everyone expects so
much.

Many underachievers will tell you
that they don't want people to expect too much.
I guess I raised the bar high
too high for me to grasp
and I think that anything I do badly
will forever outlast

the Good.